Hair · Natural Hair Journey

“You can’t loosen your curls?”

I struggled writing this, but here goes.

Recently, I was minding my own business when someone looked over at me and said they liked my hair.  I had done a twistout (as I have done many times before) and styled it with a bump in the front.

After I was glowing with delight and feelin’ myself (though I previously was already feelin’ myself lol), the person then proceeded to also tell me

“I liked your hair better when it was looser curly though.  The curls were nice”

I informed them (as I thought I had before) that the hairstyle she was referring to was a wig.   When I was transitioning to natural, I was pretty much a wig-a-holic and bought a lot of wigs especially curly wigs because the older they got the more kinky-natural they looked and they lasted longer.  The wig she was referring to was probably more of a 3C curl pattern.

Anyway, this person then asked, “oh okay, well you can’t loosen your curls, then?”.

This was my face by this point:


My response, “No ma’am.  My hair is a tight curly (*side note* Its more a 4a/4b tight coily. I didn’t think they’d understand me if I said that though lol ). I like my hair in it’s natural state so I prefer to keep it this way.”

I felt as if I’d been kicked in the chest because, well, I love my coily strands (*pats hair*).

I don’t believe this person meant harm as she was of a different race/ethnicity and maybe was just wondering. But basically, this person had told me what naturally grew out of my head was okay, but wasn’t as cute as my curly wig.

I thought to myself, “I should’ve never worn fake hair!”

But then, I got myself back together.

That was only one person’s opinion whether she meant harm or not. Hell, it’s many people’s opinion. My thoughts,


Never did I think that my natural hair that I worked hard to grow under my wigs, would be compared to my wigs. I have always been a proponent of wearing your real hair and had only had a few experiences with weaves and braids/twists. When I decided to transition, however, I knew I was going to need a protective style and decided to try wigs and of course, fell in love.  I did try to get as close to my texture as possible when choosing wigs, but the truth is, there weren’t very many that really did match my texture in my opinion.  Imagine that!

That person’s comment brought me back to the reality of having a certain texture.

Don’t get me wrong.  Curly, type 3 hair is beautiful.  The issue is that it’s considered superior to other textures to many. I hear people say it all the time and it is obvious. Look at the black community.  Many people still mention “good hair” for those textures. Many go natural, find that out that they don’t have Tracee Ellis-Ross hair and go back to relaxers. Many will talk and snicker about a woman rocking a fro, but praise the one rocking the looser texture. Its also what you see mostly in commercials and in the media.

I won’t go too long into this because you can YouTube “natural hair discrimination” and get a million videos if you want to really talk about discrimination towards tight coils and also towards curlier hair. And I’m sure the wig and hair texture convo could turn into a whole other discussion as well ( BTW, I will never apologize for wearing different types of wigs because well…I love hair).

At the end of the day, I have to accept that “Diana” (my nickname of my hair due to my goal of having big hair. 🙂 ) may not be someone’s cup of tea, but oh well lol. I get compliments on my hair, but if I never got any then okay.

Interestingly enough, I have not worn wigs in about 3 months and it will probably be even longer now, out of spite, so that I can show my hair in all of it’s coily glory.

Just kidding…maybe. 😉

If people don’t like it, then hey I don’t know what to tell them.  The awesome thing is that there is more embracing of all textures, but we still have some room to go.  And hey, again, people are entitled to their own opinions either way.

Frankly, I think there is too much focus on our hair.  In fact, I’m getting tired just typing this. Where’s my pillow?




2 thoughts on ““You can’t loosen your curls?”

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