Personal · Real Talk · Wisdom

Being Offended by Someone Else’s Personal Preference

I always preferred taller men over shorter men.  It was just always a preference of mine.  I wanted to be able to lay my head in his chest when we hugged lol.   It’s just what I liked.  You don’t always date someone who falls under the physical characteristics that you like, but God did just so happen to send me my husband who is 6’3″.

On the other hand, I have come across those who were offended by that as if I had wronged shorter men by stating that I preferred someone taller than me.   I never not dated someone because of their height, but I mean, that was my type.   How dare someone state their physical preference I guess, right?  But, I was stating what I personally liked just as you probably state what you like, so what’s the issue?

Have you ever seen someone simply state their tastes  and suddenly everyone is in a frenzy?

What do I mean you ask?  Examples below:

  1. Someone proudly and happily states that they don’t have kids and don’t want them suddenly someone with kids is angry and offended that someone would happily state such a thing.
  2. A man or woman states that they prefer to date someone of another race and suddenly they are being attacked and call every name under the sun by those within their race.
  3. A black woman states she prefers to wear her permed hair vs her natural hair and suddenly the poor thing is being attacked by people saying that she doesn’t love herself all because she stated a preference.   Same goes for those that will bash a woman for deciding to wear her hair natural.
  4. A woman states that she prefers a more conservative look as opposed to the half-naked look and suddenly she’s attacked and called a hater and being told she has no sex appeal.

And so I ask, why do we get so caught up on other people’s preferences?

Should I be attacked because I stated a preference?  Why let someone’s desires throw you into a frenzy?   We all have a list of things that we fancy.  It’s apart of being a human being.

For example, if someone states that they don’t want kids, they are not attacking you for HAVING kids.  They are not hurting you by saying so.  They just don’t want to have kids.  That’s their preference.  If someone wants to talk about the glory of having no kids, then why should that bother those that have kids?   You’re both living your life and so who cares if one doesn’t want what you want or have?

I do understand why people get offended at times at statements of preference.

Sometimes it’s the WAY someone says it.   There is a difference between saying “I prefer thick women” and “I prefer thick women.  I don’t want no skinny, sick looking woman!”   Or when someone says  “I prefer to date Asian women.  Black women have attitudes”  vs just “I prefer to date Asian women”.  So, yes I understand that difference.

But, what if someone is just innocently stating preference?

Well then, it’s time to take a moment here to reflect.  Why is a statement of preference affecting you so much?  Is it that emotional hang ups, possible insecurities, and sensitivity are involved from those who have in the past said it in a shaming manner?

You can’t assume that everyone is being rude and degrading.  

Does it make you feel inadequate?  Abandoned?  Are you upset that you do not meet the characteristics that someone prefers? “How dare someone state that they prefer a look different than mine?”  How dare someone in my race say they prefer to date women in another race?”  “How dare that woman not join the natural hair movement when the rest of us have?  She doesn’t love herself!”

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of dynamics around a statement for example, where someone prefers to date outside the race.  I mean, of course, you wonder why.    Whatever those reasons are, should it really affect your life?

I can go on to so many subjects, but let’s talk about hair.  If a black woman wants to put a relaxer on her hair because it’s more convenient or because she just prefers straight hair, then so be it.   If a black woman wants to be natural, then let her be natural.   That’s what she wants, that’s what she likes, that’s what she PREFERS.

Ranting and raving won’t change what people desire and you wasting energy over it will do you no service.   If they choose to act on their own predilection, will it hurt you that much?

If you like what you like and I like what I like and they like what they like then hey, that’s what we like.


4 thoughts on “Being Offended by Someone Else’s Personal Preference

  1. Reblogged this on Transitions in my Life and commented:
    Catching up on my blog reading this morning and this was one of my favorite posts. Everyone perceives the world differently, has different experience, and has their own preferences. I think the world would be a happier place if we learn to recognize someone else’s preferences is not always a direct attack on our own preferences.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! That means a lot. I always worry that I’m not getting my point across clearly, so thank you for that! I wish we focused more on embracing differences instead of being angered by someone’s personal preferences. Takes too much energy to worry about something like that in which we have no control.


  2. Good point, interesting question. I guess those people who get offended have an issue in general with other people’s opinions. And that’s where the problem is. I came across some of them too. You know what: Best to ignore them. Can’t change it anyway.


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