Marriage · Relationships

Adult-ing 101: How NOT to Argue


So we’ve all gotten into an argument or some sort with our significant others.   It’s not the most pleasant experience, but hell, it happens.   During arguments, a lot of things may be said and feelings can be hurt.   Arguments or “heated conversations” will happen.  To avoid any long-term damage, here are a few tips on what NOT to do during an argument:

Don’t scream

No one wants to hear either one of you going off like a hyena to get your point across.   When one screams, the other will scream and then it becomes an unproductive shouting match.

Ever been in a shouting match?   Can you really say you truly HEARD what the other person was saying?  I mean you HEARD them of course, but did you really HEAR them?  Probably not.

Do not try to force him/her to talk when they don’t want to talk

Some people like to hash it out right then and there in the moment and let it go.   Others do not.  If you know that your spouse is the type that needs a minute before they are ready to talk, respect that.  You are just asking for an even bigger argument and blow up.   The conversation will go much better if you give them breathing room.   Go take a walk, get some air, go for a drive, go workout, whatever you need to do to calm down.

Do not bring up old issues

You have a long life to live and will make many, many mistakes.  Do you really want to be reminded of every mistake you ever made in your relationship?   Nope and your spouse doesn’t either.

No Name Calling  

if you have siblings or were a young child, chances are you were called a name when your sibling or friend got mad at you such as, “poopy-head” or “dummy”.   Chances are you probably got really mad when it happened.

So, just as ridiculous it sounds to hear kids calling each other names, it sounds worse when you hear adults doing so.   On the playground, you may hear children calling each other all types of names out of anger and probably even saying how much they hate each other and then go on about their day.

When you’re adult, it’s hard to be that forgiving and it stings and is something that will stay with you for a long time especially in a romantic relationship.  If you are mad enough to call someone out of their name, then you need to sit in a corner until you calm down and can say something relevant in the conversation.

It’s just down right disrespectful.


Think Before You Speak

Are the words that are coming out of your mouth going to be a low blow?   Are they words that are necessary to say to get your point across?  If not, perhaps you should not say them.

Sure, you may get some type of satisfaction over going H.A.M. (excuse my 21st century slang. 🙂 ) on them because they have pissed you off, but don’t do it even if it means you have to be the bigger person.

Last, but not least, BREATHE.  

If this an argument you can move past, then don’t hold on to it and don’t form a grudge.  This is easier said than done especially if it’s an ongoing issue, but for your mental health, try it out!  And of course this goes for friends and family as well.

And now, I leave you with this helpful tool to calming down…




2 thoughts on “Adult-ing 101: How NOT to Argue

  1. As I get older I find myself less willing to engage in arguments and try to encourage more rational conversation than screaming matches. Screaming matches and failing to listen to the other person rarely solves anything. Great post! I use Woosah all the time 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading! Yes! Screaming matches in my opinion are nothing but sounds of frustration. You’re screaming out all your anger, but resolving nothing. Rational conversation is definitely the best tool. I try to breathe first then speak these days to make sure the mature me comes out lol!

      Liked by 1 person

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