As I write this, it is Sunday evening. It was a good weekend. A HOT one. But, good. Sundays usually make me nostalgic because it is the eve of another work week. My mind starts racing closer towards the end of the weekend.
One thing consistently enters my mind.
About a year ago, I was approached by someone in another area regarding a position. They had seen how I work, how I carried myself, and thought I’d be great at it. Actually, so did I. It was everything that I had been wishing for at a moment where I had began to feel antsy and discontent.
But, I had hesitation. I was still learning and was not ready to completely leave. Also, I thought I had a big chance at two internal opportunities.
So, what did I do? Never really made an attempt at the other position, but made an honest attempt at an internal position.
I didn’t get the internal position and though I was approached again about the other position and they were waiting for me, I did not pursue it in time.
And here I am. One year later. Stuck in the same position I’ve been in forever.
It is my belief that had I taken that individual up on that offer, I’d be in a different place by now. It is something I have spent a year regretting. Yes, I can go on about how I have no regrets, but this I do regret. Who knows? Maybe I would’ve hated it.
Now, honestly and truly, I can’t say that it has completely been in vain. I have learned a lot. Grown a lot. Gotten some good exposure and experience. But, maybe this type of growth would’ve happened anyway no matter where I was.
It isn’t the first time I have passed on opportunities. I have often shown fear taking risks. God could be presenting me an opportunity to move to the next phase, but I end up too afraid to take the next step. Not to say that I haven’t taken risks, but takes me forever to do so.
I have certainly learned my lesson . I feel like I have stunted my own growth. I often wonder: Will my degrees and hard work be in vain? Were all those sleepless nights and driving up and down the highway as a graduate student just a waste of time?
They could be if I don’t end up making the necessary moves to achieve my goals and that is scarier than being approached about an opportunity that I just “thought” I wasn’t ready for.
So, at this point I am ready to take risks and take on what comes my way next. At the same time, I am reminding myself that I am where I am meant to be in this moment, but wonder where life is going to take me. Maybe there are more lessons to be learned. Maybe there is a test that I’m being put through.
Or maybe I am being set up for something greater.
I’ve gone through so much self-discovery in a year. I have found love for things that I had convinced myself that I hated and would not be good at. My eyes are being awakened to my purpose. I think.
Whatever happens, I know that God’s got my back and will carry me through and is continuing to carry me through.
So, though I have convinced myself that I have stunted my own growth, it may just be the opposite. I may have planted seeds to the next phase.
Time will tell.